Welcome to my gripe session. I'm not going to mince words because this is just too dreadful and with Halloween looming, I want you to enjoy all the gory details of what I have had to go thru. I figure "The Breast Cancer Adventure" is just about as scary and stupid as any modern horror film out there. And boy howdy, we're just getting started.
I have always been truly befuddled that our history is full of amazingly creative ways to torture, maim and kill, but up until recent times, we still were "bleeding" with leeches and basically trying to avoid the "vapours" when it came to actually saving lives. I still believe that we're just getting started, nobody should be friggin mutilated when removing cancer. And then deliberately killing off every healthy cell to make sure the cancer is indeed gone? I'm having a really hard time getting my head around this. As I sit here, 1 week and 3 days post mastectomy/reconstruction, I have to say that this just sucks.
I really resent the Hollywood types who have gone thru what I have and just "brush over" this part..."I had a mastectomy and reconstruction and now everything is just peachy". OH BULLSHIT. Did they have no pain? Were they lucky enough to have no bloody scars? "compromised" skin? Did they hate waking up every morning because their whole chest and arm muscles feel like they've been on the torture rack? Of course not. They're too busy blowing sunshine up our asses. The whole cancer culture is "Look on the bright side...you're still here". Yeah, BUT. You can take all that positive attitude crap and shove it you know where.
So the deal is I have a patch of "compromised skin" on my right boob. (read bloody, unhealed, gross) and both surgeons are concerned about it. So concerned that I have been condemned to the hyperbaric chamber on a daily 90 minute session. For the first 10 mins they raise the pressure and I have to constantly swallow and do other stuff so my ears don't blow out. Then for most of the time I just watch TV("Scream 3", stupid, very stupid) while having 100% pure oxygen circulating around me, rendering me completely flammable. The last 10 minutes I "decompress" by doing the opposite, again so my ears don't blow out. All the while I'm in a clear plexiglass coffin. Thank goodness I'm not claustrophobic. Noted side effect: Even more tired and lazy than I was before. I feel like my life is being saved just so I can be completely useless. Just wait till we start chemo...joys.
Writing this just took everything outta me. Back to bed.
I have always been truly befuddled that our history is full of amazingly creative ways to torture, maim and kill, but up until recent times, we still were "bleeding" with leeches and basically trying to avoid the "vapours" when it came to actually saving lives. I still believe that we're just getting started, nobody should be friggin mutilated when removing cancer. And then deliberately killing off every healthy cell to make sure the cancer is indeed gone? I'm having a really hard time getting my head around this. As I sit here, 1 week and 3 days post mastectomy/reconstruction, I have to say that this just sucks.
I really resent the Hollywood types who have gone thru what I have and just "brush over" this part..."I had a mastectomy and reconstruction and now everything is just peachy". OH BULLSHIT. Did they have no pain? Were they lucky enough to have no bloody scars? "compromised" skin? Did they hate waking up every morning because their whole chest and arm muscles feel like they've been on the torture rack? Of course not. They're too busy blowing sunshine up our asses. The whole cancer culture is "Look on the bright side...you're still here". Yeah, BUT. You can take all that positive attitude crap and shove it you know where.
So the deal is I have a patch of "compromised skin" on my right boob. (read bloody, unhealed, gross) and both surgeons are concerned about it. So concerned that I have been condemned to the hyperbaric chamber on a daily 90 minute session. For the first 10 mins they raise the pressure and I have to constantly swallow and do other stuff so my ears don't blow out. Then for most of the time I just watch TV("Scream 3", stupid, very stupid) while having 100% pure oxygen circulating around me, rendering me completely flammable. The last 10 minutes I "decompress" by doing the opposite, again so my ears don't blow out. All the while I'm in a clear plexiglass coffin. Thank goodness I'm not claustrophobic. Noted side effect: Even more tired and lazy than I was before. I feel like my life is being saved just so I can be completely useless. Just wait till we start chemo...joys.
Writing this just took everything outta me. Back to bed.
just as I read this I am seeing a thing on TV with Elvis and Michael Jackson in a chamber. Had to take a pic. That was surreal.
ReplyDeleteYou have a right to those feelings Carolyn...I can't begin to know or pretend to know the pain you endure. I've had friends who've been through this and every one has 'Come Back', moving forward...but everyone experiences this differently. You're a strong woman,Carolyn, the little I do know about you. "We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us."~Charles Bukowski
ReplyDeleteNamaste, my friend....will keep you close in my thoughts.
aaarrrrrrggggggg!
ReplyDeleteSharon Rose