Yesterday they dosed me with my second round of insecticides. The "Chemo Pavilion" is a pretty jovial bunch of cancer patients, of which I am usually the youngest. Our lounge chairs are all placed in somewhat of a circle, encouraging us to share with each other our various brands of cancer and scary descriptions of surgeries. Most are way worse off than me, which does make me feel better in a kind of icky way. I am grateful to my "Chemo nurse buddy". She appreciates my droll humor and is actually glad to have a patient as snarky as me for a change. I am glad that she is skilled with implanting my IV, is thorough with instructions and suggestions and happy to prescribe just about anything I want. One of the drugs is bright orange, thus turning my pee the same color. After relieving myself after yesterday's "treatment", I yelled out "Boy I'm glad I wore orange underwear today, my piss was ON FIRE!" That brought a rousing laugh amongst the staff. Still, having to have chemotherapy is suckful in so many lousy ways.
Today's chemo is not yo granpa's chemo. They are pretty good with the anti-nausea meds, both infused and oral. But it still doesn't get rid of ALL the nausea, no matter what. I end up with low level yuck from the day after infusion until maybe 5 days later. I go from ravenous to no appetite at all. My diabetic blood sugars are a mess, which is really a pisser because it's taken me 15 years to get them under control. But the biggest indignity of all: Losing my hair. It's not like I didn't know it was going to happen, but still...SHIT! This last weekend was the beginning of the end. I had some tangles which I was trying to fix and the hair just slid out. In weird bunches. Nowhere else but on my head, so far. I had planned to get my head shaved as soon as this started, but I was so pissed off I took scissors to the situation and before I knew it I am now sporting 1/2 inch buzzy fuzzy bizarro do. And it's even weirder because it does take a bit of pulling for my hair to actually come out, but not near as much as normal.
The local cancer aid society will give me $75 toward a wig. I have a pretty nice hat collection which not only looks stylin but also keeps my head warm. I think I'll take a miss on the wigs and just do hats. The chapeau I wore yesterday gleaned me a lot of compliments yesterday at the "Chemo Pavilion" . Much easier than wigging it.
Another super injustice of this "treatment" is the re-appearance of the Adult Acne show. Yet another reason to just hibernate through this mess. Not to mention fatigue. Sometimes it's all I can muster to just step outside and breathe the air. Or go to the mailbox. Not that I had robust energy before the "Breast Cancer Theme Park"...but I must say that the amount of rest I require these days is huge. I'm sure my chronic depression plays a large part in this process as well. These side effects just can't raise my happiness quotient AT ALL. The only thing that sort of keeps me feeling just a little better is that I know it could be so much worse. I've seen super worse at the Chemo Pavilion. If worse can make it through, I suppose I can. Snarkily all the way.
Today's chemo is not yo granpa's chemo. They are pretty good with the anti-nausea meds, both infused and oral. But it still doesn't get rid of ALL the nausea, no matter what. I end up with low level yuck from the day after infusion until maybe 5 days later. I go from ravenous to no appetite at all. My diabetic blood sugars are a mess, which is really a pisser because it's taken me 15 years to get them under control. But the biggest indignity of all: Losing my hair. It's not like I didn't know it was going to happen, but still...SHIT! This last weekend was the beginning of the end. I had some tangles which I was trying to fix and the hair just slid out. In weird bunches. Nowhere else but on my head, so far. I had planned to get my head shaved as soon as this started, but I was so pissed off I took scissors to the situation and before I knew it I am now sporting 1/2 inch buzzy fuzzy bizarro do. And it's even weirder because it does take a bit of pulling for my hair to actually come out, but not near as much as normal.
The local cancer aid society will give me $75 toward a wig. I have a pretty nice hat collection which not only looks stylin but also keeps my head warm. I think I'll take a miss on the wigs and just do hats. The chapeau I wore yesterday gleaned me a lot of compliments yesterday at the "Chemo Pavilion" . Much easier than wigging it.
Another super injustice of this "treatment" is the re-appearance of the Adult Acne show. Yet another reason to just hibernate through this mess. Not to mention fatigue. Sometimes it's all I can muster to just step outside and breathe the air. Or go to the mailbox. Not that I had robust energy before the "Breast Cancer Theme Park"...but I must say that the amount of rest I require these days is huge. I'm sure my chronic depression plays a large part in this process as well. These side effects just can't raise my happiness quotient AT ALL. The only thing that sort of keeps me feeling just a little better is that I know it could be so much worse. I've seen super worse at the Chemo Pavilion. If worse can make it through, I suppose I can. Snarkily all the way.
If not for snark, what is the point of it all? I'm sorry about your hair, that fucking sucks! AND acne???? I mean, come on! I agree you'll be much better off in hats than wigs. You can do this, Carolyn, just be yourself and you'll get through it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting it into words. Snark on. Be strong. Keep writing. A big blast of healing love from here.
ReplyDeleteAsk for Marinol. Like it sounds, it IS Mary Jane based. Can't smoke it, but might as well get a doctor endorsed bottle of the stuff. Good for the appetite too. Wear big earrings with the hats, but forget the fruit on top - too Carmen Miranda. Laugh and keep making us laugh.
ReplyDeleteYou'll do swimmingly.
Blessings.
For curiosity, morbid or otherwise:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.whatsnextformylife.com/
http://www.facebook.com/KindnessCountsCancerAndBeyondSurviveThrive
http://www.mylifeline.org/
Would have included some porn sites, but I know that this is a G-rated, family blog!!!
Blessings and cheering (as in "kick ass!!!") from one who was walked, sometimes trudged next to a brilliant survivor!